His Point of View
by krm0205
Summary: This starts where Midnight Sun ends....I do not own any of the characters or any of Stephenie Meyer's wonderful world for that matter, however I included all of the conversations from Twilight that Edward was present for to make this seem realistic. Enjoy
1. Chapter 1: Complications

I pulled into the driveway and parked next to Rosalie's red convertible but did not get out. I sat there with my hands still on the steering wheel staring at my pale skin. I was not eager to face my family but...it was undeniably my responsibility.

_Edward..._

Alice's silent voice drifted to me in the garage. I sighed and got out of my car and made my way slowly towards the others in the dining room. What was I going to say? What was there to say? All there was to do was tell them that Bella would not betray me...that somehow she cared for me and would not betray my family.

_She cared for me_ - the thought still stunned me.

Carlisle was sitting at the head of the table with Esme behind him with her hands on his shoulders. Alice was perched on a chair, her eyes watching Jasper pace up and down the length of the room, and Emmet and Rosalie were in the corner.

_Idiot! Selfish prick! Arrogant jackass!_

Once again, Rosalie was demonstrating the sheer volume of her mental voice. I ignored her and sat next to Carlisle.

"She knows," I clarified.

"Yes," agreed Carlisle. I looked up at him.

"What the hell were you thinking? Telling her?" yelled Rosalie. She pushed off from the wall and glared at me. "How could you jeopardize our lives here over some..._human_?" She spat.

 "Her name is Bella," I snarled. Esme moved towards Rosalie but she shrugged her off. I looked down at the table again as she stalked out of the room.

"Edward why exactly did you tell her?" asked Emmett.

"I didn't tell her," I answered truthfully, looking up at him. "You can blame Jacob Black for that."

11. Complications

Once again I found myself staring at the steering wheel. I glanced up as Bella shut the door behind her without bolting the lock. I looked down again before she could see me. I felt my mouth reluctantly curling into a smile as I saw her hesitate in my peripheral vision. As she finally flopped into the seat beside me I turned to gaze at her face, my eyes lingering on her full lips.

"Good morning." My eyes moved to the circles under her eyes. "How are you today?"

"Good, thank you."

"You look tired."

"I couldn't sleep," she replied, shielding herself from my scrutiny behind her long brown hair. I started the engine.

"Neither could I," I joked to try to lighten the mood.

I was rewarded with her melodious laughter.

"I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did."

"I'll wager you did."

"So what did you do last night?" she asked.

"Not a chance," I laughed. "It's my day to ask questions."

"Oh, that's right. What did you want to know?" The pucker in her forehead appeared.

"What's your favourite colour?"

Bella rolled her eyes as she told me it changed from day to day. She must have noticed my solemn tone.

"What's your favourite colour today?"

"Probably brown."

_Brown?_ I snorted, loosing my intensity. "Brown?"

"Sure. Brown is warm. I _miss_ brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown - tree trunks rocks, dirt - is all covered up with squashy green stuff here," complained Bella. I stared into her eyes and found she was correct. There was nothing warmer than her chocolate brown eyes.

"You're right. Brown is warm," I agreed. I stared as wisp of her soft hair fell in front of her eyes. My hand moved on its own accord to touch her warm tresses and I did not try to resist the sudden urge to sweep it back so that I could look at her face more clearly. Suddenly the fire was upon me, I could feel the monster within fighting at the cage I'd imprisoned in. I looked back at the road just as we pulled into the school parking lot. "What music is in your CD player right now?"

"...Linkin Park." I smiled as I realized a CD by the band was in my car. I opened the compartment below the stereo and handed the disc to Bella.

"Debussy to this?" Bella stared at the CD in her hands, her eyes taking in the cover art; but I was not looking at the album. I was looking at her eyes and the faint blush that rose on her fair cheeks. It was the same disc. I smiled again as I got out of the car and opened her door. Was she comfortable with me taking care of her? Or was she just too preoccupied with the CD?

No, matter. She was going to have to get used to being treated like the lady she was, especially if she was so determined to remain near me. The thought filled me with mixed emotions. Joy and wonder that I was the one she'd chosen and anger and resentment towards the fact that she did not run. Pain that there would always be a necessity for her to run; frustration that regardless of the danger she would not run.

I arranged my features into a smile when she looked up at me. I reached for her backpack and started walking towards the school beside her. This was possibly the best day of my entire existence. I could not see into Bella's mind but I was now free to ask her any question I could think of. And she answered them, rarely blushing but each time I saw the rosy hue a new stream of questions erupted into my head. 'Why did she blush?' being one of many.

There was one such time in the cafeteria when I inquired her preferred gemstone. She'd answered topaz and immediately her face flushed a gorgeous shade but her reaction puzzled me. It was such an innocent question and yet had triggered such a reaction.

"Tell me," I demanded, anxious and curious to know why she was embarrassed. All persuasion had failed to work so I tried being blunt. Bella looked down at her hands that played with her hair. I remembered the softness from earlier in my Volvo.

"It's the colour of your eyes today." She continued to stare down but my mind was flying at a million miles per second. Topaz was her favourite stone because it reminded her of my eyes. "I suppose if you asked me in two weeks I'd say onyx," she continued. Her blush darkened further than I thought was possible.

I recall asking her a number of other questions before the end of lunch but half of my brain was greatly occupied by the small piece of information she had given me. Once more I was tormented with a quarrel of emotions. Once again I was filled with pleasure that she would even think such a thing and yet this feeling was mirrored with self-loathing.

When Mr. Banner entered the room with the audiovisual frame I slid my chair slightly away from Bella. However it did no good. It was as if I were pressed up against Bella's warm skin. The heat of her hit me like an unrelenting wave and the urge to touch her seemed to have grown. I glanced at her and saw she was resting her head on the table, with her arms tucked under neck. Her fingers gripped the edge of the table and her back was tense. Ah...so I was not the only one aware of the other. I smirked.

Bella did not look at me the entire hour, but instead stared at the screen with such intensity that I was sure she would burn a hole through it. The time passed by slowly but I was content to simply gaze at her slender back - the soft feminine curve of her spine. Despite her loose brown sweater I could still see the shape of her hips.

And then I realized I was not the only one thinking this.

The vile Mike Newton was daydreaming of the sweet girl beside me.

I bit back a growl at the images he sent rolling through my mind. Of Bella glancing impishly over her shoulder with her teeth pressed into her lush bottom lip. Her back arched as she gazed into Newton's depthless eyes. Of the video miraculously ending and Mr. Banner letting the class out early. Of Bella pulling the perverted Newton out of the room and down the hall to a side entrance. Of her pushing him against the side of the school and capturing his weak lips with hers...of her sweet tongue caressing his. Of her pressing herself against his chest and of his hands sliding down her back lower...and lower.

I clenched the sides of my seat as pure fury washed through me. An image of my own flitted into my head...of Newton crashing into the screen Mr. Banner had installed at the front of the class. Of poor Newton's head lolling to the side after it jerked from the impact.

My hands did not loosen until Mr. Banner turned on the lights and Bella glanced back at me and not at Mike. Only then did I breathe again. I rose without a word and waited as she grabbed her books and bag. We walked slowly towards the gymnasium and when she turned to face me I could not resist stroking her face. I almost gasped from the heat as the back of my hand slid from her temple to her jaw, all the while getting lost in her eyes. I turned away before I would loose control. But once again not for thirst of her blood, but for a different hunger. One that I could not explain.

I walked quickly to my Spanish class and ignoring Emmett's glance and my muscles tightening in my stomach as I sat in the desk next to him.

_What's wrong with you? Thought she liked you back. _He winked.

My jaw tightened.

_Or is that the problem? _Emmett grinned. _Suffering little bro?_

I stared straight ahead.

_Feeling the burn? Got some pent up tension?_ Emmet chuckled beside me.

I growled just lowed enough for him to hear. He laughed again. Mrs. Goff glanced at him.

"Hay un problema, Emmet?" She asked.

"No, todo está muy bien. Me perdona," he answered. The class continued to drone on in the same monotonous manner. The only escape I had was a sad one at that. It was through Newton's ghastly mind that I could keep my sanity by watching Bella through his eyes. Her gym class was playing badminton as well, however today Bella remained to the side of the court. Newton stood in the centre practically playing one on two. I rarely got a glance at Bella since Newton was occupied with the birdie but every now and then he would look to see if she was watching him. I almost laughed out loud like Emmett several times when I saw her completely ignoring him. Instead of watching Newton she was staring at the clock, watching the hand go round and round. As soon as the bell rang she threw a quick wave in the general area of Newton and sped off towards the changing rooms.

I got up from the desk and left Emmett in the hall, he heading to Rosalie's class and I to the gymnasium. I leaned against the wall facing the doors.

Bella was only a few minutes but I was anxious to see her with my own eyes rather than through our peers. When she opened the door and saw me, a huge smile lit up her face and I felt one of my own appear to match hers.

"How was gym?" I asked, playing my part.

"Extremely dull," she scowled. "I hardly played." We started to walk towards the parking lot.

"Yes you stayed on the sidelines today," I agreed as her eyes narrowed.

"You -"

"What's your first memory?" I interrupted with a small smile on my face,

Her scowl returned with the addition of the pucker in her forehead.

"Um...I don't know."

"Bella..." I looked down at her. "Was it here in Forks?" She shook her head.

"No I remember sun," she smiled.

"Is that what you miss most about Pheonix?"

"Partly yes...but if I moved back I would miss the clouds too." We had reached the Volvo. I looked across the roof at her.

"Really?"

"You go away when it's sunny," she said, staring into my eyes. And I stared back until she opened the door and sat in the passenger seat. I stared at where her head used to be and then joined her in the cab.

"So what was your first memory? You never answered."

"I think it was outside our old house in Phoenix...I don't know...that's a hard question...would it be fair to ask you yours?" I smiled.

"No it probably wouldn't and mine would have been further in the past. Quite a long time span." I turned the corner onto the highway leading to Bella's house. I continued to pester her with questions and to my intense joy she answered them. It was a gift to have her just talk...like a window into her mind...the way that she thought. The time flew by once we arrived at her house with us just sitting in my car. However when she was describing her room in Phoenix my eyes took in the time of day and I paused after she had finished.

"Are you finished?" she asked, a hopeful gleam in her eyes.

"Not even close - but your father will be home soon."

"Charlie!" She sighed, looking out the front window at the dark sky. "How late is it?"

"It's twilight," I answered. I looked at the western horizon; despite the fact that it was hidden with clouds I could still see the last rays of the sun as it sunk below the horizon. I looked back at her. "Its the safest time of day for us. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way...the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" I smiled.

"I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars," her mouth frowned. "Not that you see them here much."

I laughed; her mind did not function in the expected way. Not matter how many times she surprised me with her train of thought it still astounded me.

"Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday..." I said with a raised brow. Did she notice the hopeful edge of my tone?

"Thanks, but no thanks." She grabbed her books from by her feet. "So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"

"Certainly not! I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?" I teased.

"What more is there?"

"You'll find out tomorrow." I reached across her to open the door for her and if my heart pumped blood it would have stopped at the closeness of her. But my hand froze on the handle. There was a familiar stench on the wind. "Not good."

"What is it?"

I met her eyes. "Another complication." I opened the door and moved away from her. A dark car pulled up to the curb a few feet away facing us. Quileutes. "Charlie's around the corner." His car was coming into view; soon Bella would see it too. Bella hopped out and I could see the confusion in her eyes. I stared ahead through the rain into the cab of Billy Black's car in defiance. I was not on their territory. I could be here, next to Bella. I revved the engine and sped away, the tires squealing behind me on the wet road. As I drove passed the car I saw Billy Black's jaw tighten and the young one looking at Bella. I stared ahead as I drove passed Charlie's cruiser. Before I turned the corner I looked at my mirror back behind me, at Bella greeting the two Quileutes and of Charlie laughing as he got out of his car.


	2. Chapter 2: Balancing

12. Balancing

When I returned to Bella's house the dog's descendants had gone. I walked out of the woods beside the house and peered into the living room window. Bella was on her way up stairs when Charlie stopped her.

"I didn't get a chance to talk to you tonight. How was your day?"

Bella had stopped with one foot on the first step.

"Good. My badminton team won all four games," she said; there was an uneasy light in her eye. I fought back laughter.

"Wow, I didn't know you could play badminton." I started to crawl up the wall.

"Well, actually I can't, but my partner is really good," she admitted.

"Who is it?" asked Charlie.

"Um...Mike Newton," she replied. I paused on my way up the wall towards her window. Why had she hesitated?

"Oh yeah - you said you were friends with the Newton kid. Nice family." There was silence for three seconds. "Why didn't you ask him to the dance this weekend?" My hands curled into fists.

"Dad!" groaned Bella. "He's kind of dating my friend Jessica. Besides, you know I can't dance."

"Oh yeah," her father muttered. "So I guess its good you'll be gone Saturday...I've made plans to go fishing with they guys from the station. The weather's supposed to be real war. But if you wanted to put your trip off till someone could go with you I'd stay home. I know I leave you here alone too much."

Part of me sighed with relief but the other half groaned that I might have lost my stolen time with Bella.

"Dad, you're doing a great job," reassured the selfless girl. "I've never minded being alone - I'm too much like you."

I heard her make her way up the narrow stairs to the bathroom. I settled myself on the roof beside the window and waited for her to fall asleep.

..................................

I waited in the garage already in my car. The others hadn't left yet either so Alice was sitting on the hood silently pestering me.

_I don't see why you won't let me talk to her. _She pouted. _You talk to her, it's not fair. _

"Alice."

_It's not like I'm going to kill her...I love her too you know. Well I will when you stop being stubborn and let me talk to her! _

I smiled. "Is Charlie gone yet?"

She folded her arms and stuck out her tongue. _Why should I tell you?_

"Alice..." I growled.

_Fine. He just left. _Alice jumped off my car and sat on Rosalie's. _But if Rose decides to wreck your precious Aston Martin I won't warn you this time. _

I glared at her as I pulled out of the garage and she smiled smugly back at me.

_See you after lunch!_

I raced towards Bella's house to get there before she beat me to the door. Thankfully luck was with me and I pulled into Charlie's spot just as she opened the door. She climbed quickly into the car, all signs of hesitation gone, and smiled up at me. I smiled back.

"How did you sleep."? _Did you notice me last night? _

"Fine. How was your night?"

"Pleasant." I smiled again. _I love watching you sleep. _

"Can I ask what you did?" she asked. My smile widened. _I was by your side till the sun rose. _

"No. Today is still _mine._"

I asked about her mother Renee, and what they did together. Her grandmother and her old friends from Pheonix.

At lunch I broached the dreaded topic; I asked about any past boyfriends.

"I've never really dated anyone," she answered. My eyebrow rose.

"So you never met anyone you wanted?" How had she not dated anyone? With all the teenage boys here, myself included, how had she not met someone who caught her interest in Pheonix, which had a larger population?

"Not in Pheonix."

My mouth hardened into a line at her insinuation. This was all so wrong.

I decided to change the subject.

"I should have let you drive yourself today."

She looked up at me.

"Why?"

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch."

"Oh," she said, blinking. "That's okay, it's not that far to walk."

"I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you." She was so silly sometimes.

"I don't have my keys with me. I really don't mind walking."

"Your truck will be here, and the keys will be in the ignition - unless you're afraid someone might steal it." I laughed at the thought. She pursed her lips.

"All right," she agreed. That was too easy, ah...she was challenging me. She must not think I would be able to find her keys. I smirked. It would all be too easy. "So where are you going?"

"Hunting," it was amazing how quickly she could change my mood. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." Frustration to sadness. "You can always cancel, you know." She looked down at the table.

"No," she whispered, looking back up. "I can't."

"Perhaps you're right." It was strange, with those words she had set me free from my momentary melancholy. She seemed to sense my turmoil because she changed the subject this time...slightly.

"What time will I see you tomorrow?"

"That depends...it's Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?"

"No," Bella answered too quickly. I smiled.

"The same time as usual, then. Will Charlie be there?" I asked even though I knew, she didn't know I spied on her every night.

"No, he's fishing tomorrow," she beamed.

"And if you don't come home, what will he think?"

"I have no idea, he knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer." I scowled and she matched my grimace. "What are you hunting tonight?" And my mood was back to bemusement. She was an entertaining creature.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far."

"Why are you going with Alice?"

"Alice is the most...supportive," I frowned. _Overly so._

"And the others?" she asked timidly.

"Incredulous for the most part." _As am I. _

She peeked quickly for a human back at their table, they had all looked away thanks to Alice.

"They don't like me."

"That's not it, they don't understand why I can't leave you alone."

She frowned. "Neither do I, for that matter."

I shook my head and felt my eyes roll. "I told you - you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me." She continued to glare. "Having the advantages I do," I touched my head. "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you...you never to what I expect. You always take me by surprise." She looked away...back at my family. "That part is easy to explain," she did not look back. "But there's more...and it's not so easy to put into words -"

She continued to look at my family until Rosalie had had enough and turned to glare at Bella. I stopped talking to hiss loud enough for her to hear. Rosalie looked away and Bella turned back to me.

"I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see...it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly..." I could not go on.

"If?"

"If this ends...badly." I dropped my head into my hands, not knowing how to escape that horrible thought. There was a short pause.

"And you have to leave now?"

"Yes," suddenly I smiled again. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology - I don't think I could take any more." Bella smiled and then jumped slightly. Alice had come up behind me with no warning. I frowned. "Alice."

"Edward."

"Alice, Bella - Bella, Alice," I smiled slightly at Alice's contained glee.

"Hello, Bella." She's managed to keep it light. I'd have to congratulate her later. "It's nice to finally meet you." I looked at her warningly to stop. Thankfully she listened and kept the _I hate you_ silent.

"Hi, Alice," greeted Bella shyly.

"Are you ready?" Alice asked me.  "Nearly. I'll meet you at the car." With that Alice left. I laughed at the awed look on Bella's face. She turned back to me.

"Shoud I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?"

"No, 'have fun' works as well as anything," I grinned.

"Have fun, then."

"I'll try." Could that reassure her I'd rather stay? "And you try to be safe, please."

"Safe in Forks - what a challenge."

"For you it _is_ a challenge. Promise," I demanded.

"I promise to try to be safe," she recited. "I'll do the laundry tonight - that ought to be fraught with peril."

"Don't fall in," I joked.

"I'll do my best," she retorted. I stood and she rose with me. "I'll see you tomorrow," she sighed.

"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" I asked. She nodded in agreement. "I'll be there in the morning." I smiled and stroked her cheek before I turned and walked towards Alice. I continued to walk at the same pace but I longed to turn and sprint back to Bella. Alice was perched on my car smiling slightly.

"Wasn't I good?"

"Yes, you were the perfect vampire sister meeting your brother's human love for the first time," I said rolling my eyes.

"Did she say anything about me?" she asked anxiously. I laughed.

"As if you wouldn't know." She laughed and slid into the passenger seat through the sun roof. I got in beside her and we sped to Bella's house. "I just have to get the key.

"You find it."

"Are you going to save us time and tell me where to look?"

"That's cheating. And you're too full of yourself anyways."

"Ah yes but I can pull it off," I laughed as she punched me in the shoulder. I pulled up to Bella's house and ran up the steps. She hadn't locked the door again today, the key wasn't on its usual hook by the door so I walked in and headed up the stairs to her room.

_Where would it be?_

It wasn't on her desk...ah but she had said she needed to do laundry. It was probably in her jeans in a pile on the laundry room. She hadn't driven since Tuesday but she would have brought them on Wednesday. I made my way back downstairs and opened the door to the side of the kitchen. There was a pair of jeans lying on the floor with the keys in the left hand pocket. I dropped the jeans and went out to where Alice was waiting.

"Not bad...but I could have done better," was what she greeted me with.

"Yes but you would have been cheating as you call it."

"It's not considered cheating if I'm using one of my own advantages as you so nicely put it at lunch today."

I glared at her. "Do you make a habit of eavesdropping on me?"

"And what would you call what you do?"

"Point taken."

.............................................................

Hunting with Alice was drastically different than hunting with Emmett or even Jasper. Alice was the most graceful of us all and it was evident in everything she did, including stalking deer through the forest. She hardly made a sound, it was truly a fascinating thing to watch.

While Emmett literally launched himself at his prey he greatly resembled a bear, but Alice was like a panther, or a gazelle. Ironically gazelles are herbivores but her movements were incredibly similar to the small antelope's.

The only thing similar to my recent hunts with Emmet was my desire to return to Bella. It was constantly nagging in the back of my mind, another difference from Emmett was that Alice understood my anxiousness.

"She is still fine, folding laundry," reassured Alice for the fifth time on our way back to Forks. "You really should give her some space though, you might want to show your true colours gradually." Alice laughed. "She may not love you enough yet to ignore them like I do."

"Yes my true colours meaning that I am a vampire thirsting for her blood. I think she's caught on by now Alice."

Alice was silent.

_You know I didn't mean it like that, Edward. _

"How exactly did you mean it?"

"Edward you need to make up your mind. You've got the future all gnarled up still, you're just going to be miserable until you do."

"Is that the psychic talking?"

"Both."

We spent the rest of the run in silence but my mind was in constant chaos. I thought I had made up my mind. What key decision would reveal the future to Alice? I did not go to Bella's but instead spent the night playing her lullaby, drowning myself in the music, hoping that I would somehow reach a subconscious choice. No one bothered me, they seemed to sense my agitation. Yet when the sun rose I went to my room and changed into a white shirt and jeans. I threw on a sweater and paced the room. Ugh how I wished I could waste time on sleep, the time seemed to drag on when you had a never ending abundance.

I walked up the steps to Bella's front door and knocked quietly. I had seen Charlie leave so I knew that Bella was alone.

My face relaxed when Bella opened the door and I notice her appearance.

"Good morning," I tried not to laugh.

"What's wrong?" she asked anxiously, glancing down at herself.

"We match," I finally laughed. She was wearing a white collared shirt with a tan sweater and jeans as well. She smiled slightly and then moved to lock the door. I walked towards her truck...dreading what was to come. She must have seen my pained expression.

"We made a deal," she said smugly, climbing into the driver's seat and unlocking my side. "Where to?"

"Put your seat belt on - I'm nervous already." She grimaced but obeyed.

"Where to?" she repeated.

"Take the one-oh-one north," I directed. She complied but her pace was agonizing. "Where you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?"

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather - have some respect."

"Still," was all that I could manage. I distracted myself with watching her, her concentration was adorable. Despite my complaints we were soon out of town. "Turn right on the one-ten." She turned. "Now we drive until the pavement ends."

"And what's there, at the pavement's end?"

"A trail."

"We're hiking?"

"Is that a problem," I asked as I remembered her lack of balance.

"No."

"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry," I tried to reassure her doubtful expression. She didn't respond but continued to drive, I couldn't understand her expression. "What are you thinking?"

"Just wondering where we're going."

"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice." We both looking out the windows, the clouds were clearing.

"Charlie said it would be a warm day."

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" I asked hopefully.

"Nope."

With that one word those hopes crashed to the ground.

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" I added.

"No, I told her you cancelled on me - which is true."

"No one knows you're with me?"

The frustration started to seep in.

"That depends...I assume you told Alice."

"That's very helpful, Bella." I stared out the front window. Fighting panic. She didn't respond. "Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?"

"You said it might cause trouble for you...us being together publicly," she reminded me.

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause _me _- if _you _don't come _home_?" She didn't look at me but nodded. Another oath slipped out in her presence. Thankfully I'd said it too quickly and quietly for her ears.

She didn't look at me until we were out of the truck and I told her we weren't going to take the trail.

"No trail?"

"I won't let you get lost." I turned to face her, she had removed her sweater and knotted it around her waist. But it was her expression that captivated me. She was looking at me with what could only be described as horror. "Do you want to go home?" Horror coloured my voice as well.

"No." She walked towards me but didn't look up.

"What's wrong?" I struggled to understand her emotion.

"I'm not a good hiker, you'll have to be very patient."

"I can be patient - if I make a great effort," I smiled, trying to catch her eye. She smiled back but it was off. I sobered immediately. "I'll take you home," I promised.

"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way," she replied sharply. I stared at her but when she refused to give away her true meaning I shrugged and headed into the forest. After several hours the sun started to shine through the thick canopy of trees. "Are we there yet?" she teased.

I smiled at her improved mood. "Nearly. Do you see the brightness ahead?"

"Um, should I?"

"Maybe it's a bit soon for _your_ eyes," I smirked.

"Time to visit the optometrist," she muttered. My smirk grew.

I watched as she lead the way now towards the meadow. I watched as she walked amongst the wildflowers, as the sun shone on her hair; illuminating the red that Newton had admired. She turned to look at me and then spun around when she noticed I was not there. I looked at her as she saw me standing in the forest's shadows. She took a step towards me, her eyes alight with curiosity.

Bella smiled and beckoned me with her hand, coming closer. I held up my hand to stop her. I was incredibly nervous that this would be what caused her to run. I inhaled loudly and then stepped into the light.


	3. Chapter 3: Confessions

13. Confessions

Bella hadn't run. Her mouth had fallen open when she's seen me in the sun but she hadn't run. And now, as I lay on the grass perfectly still she remained by my side, sitting with her chin on her knees. Just looking at me.

However, when I felt her hand brush the back of mine my eyes flew open. Bella was looking at my hand where it rested on the grass beside me. It was incredibly warm. She had stroked the back of my hand with her finger and looked up and met my eyes. I smiled.

"I don't scare you?" I tried to make my voice sound playful but really trembling.

"No more than usual." She traced the lines of my forearm with her whole hand. I closed my eyes, she was so warm. "Do you mind?"

"No," I sighed. "You can't imagine how that feels."

She followed the pattern of veins on my arm, leaving behind a trail of fire, to the inside of my elbow. She moved to turn my hand and I flipped it over for her. Her fingers froze. I had moved at a comfortable speed...for a vampire. I opened my eyes.

"Sorry," I closed them again. "It's too easy to be myself with you."

After a moment she lifted my hand and turned it side to side. I opened my eyes. "Tell me what you're thinking. It's still so strange for me, not knowing."

"You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time."

"It's a hard life," I said almost wistfully. "But you didn't tell me."

"I _was_ wishing I could know what you were thinking..." She trailed off.

"And?"

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid."

My breath caught.

"I don't want you to be afraid," I finally managed to get out.

"Well, that's not exactly the fear I mean, though that's certainly something to think about."

I sat up slightly, puzzled by what she had said. I propped my head up my right arm but left my other hand in hers. Her face was only inches away. It was mesmerizing.

"What are you afraid of, then?"

She didn't answer right away. She seemed to be frozen like I was; but then she leaned slightly closer to me, inhaling.

I jerked my hand out of hers and launched myself away from her.

...

"I'm...sorry...Edward," she whispered.

"Give me a moment."

I had to sort my thoughts, I wasn't sure if I had fled because of her nearness or because I had nearly lost control. It had happened so quickly and I had been distracted by her. I counted the seconds slowly, at ten I started to slowly walk towards her. I sat several feet away from her and took a two deep breathes.

"I'm so very sorry," I smiled. "Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?"

Bella nodded.

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in - my voice, my face, even my _smell_. As if I need any of that!" I was suddenly angry. I jumped to my feet and ran around the meadow to wear I had fled to before. "As if you could outrun me," I laughed bitterly.

There was a tree beside me, I reached up and ripped a branch off. I balanced it for a moment and then threw it against another tree like a spear shattering it instantly. The rage consumed me. I ran to Bella and stopped next to her. "As if you could fight me off."

As I gazed at her face I saw the innocence that I craved, the beauty that I longed to touch. The fury burned out.

"Don't be afraid," I murmured. "I promise..." I stopped. _Could I promise this?_ "I _swear_ not to hurt you." I stepped closer slowly. "Don't be afraid." I moved closer. "Please forgive me. I _can_ control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now." I waited to see if she would speak. "I'm not hungry today, honestly." I winked.

She let out a shaky laugh.

"Are you all right?" even to my own ears my voice was tender. I gently slipped my hand back into hers. She looked down at our joined hands. She looked up at me and then down again, but her fingers started to trace my palm again. She met my eyes and smiled. "So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" I asked.

"I honestly can't remember."

Shame washed through me. I smiled. "I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason."

"Oh, right."

"Well?"

She looked down again. I almost sighed in frustration.

"How easily frustrated I am," I finally said as the seconds went by. She looked into my eyes.

"I was afraid...because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't _stay_ with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should."

"Yes. That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest," I agreed, Bella frowned. "I should have left long ago. I should leave now. But I don't know if I can."

"I don't want you to leave," she whispered softly.

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should."

"I'm glad." She smiled.

"Don't be!" I tried to withdraw my hand more gently than I had before. "It's not only your company I crave! Never forget _that_. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." I couldn't look at her anymore, see the pain that I caused with my harsh words. I looked out at the trees around us.

"I don't think I understand what you mean - by that last part anyway," she murmured. I smiled looking back at her.

"How do I explain?" I paused. "And without frightening you again...hmmmm." I looked down at my hands; they were surrounded by Bella's warmth again, only I couldn't recall placing them there.

"That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth." I let out a ragged breath. "You know how everyone enjoys different flavours? Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry." Bella nodded. "Sorry about the food analogy - I couldn't think of another way to explain," I half smiled, and she returned the action.

"You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he's gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac - and filled the room with its warm aroma - how do you think he would fare then?" We sat there silently, looking into each other's eyes. I tried again to see what she was thinking but was unsuccessful. "Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead." I was rambling by now.

"So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" she teased. I smiled.

"Yes, you are _exactly_ my brand of heroin."

"Does that happen often?"

I looked away. "I spoke to my brothers about it, to Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavour...sorry," I looked at her quickly.

"I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can."

"So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as - _appealing_ as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmet has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."

"And for you?"

"Never."

"What did Emmett do?"

My hand curled into a fist within hers and I felt my eyes grow dark. I looked away from her hypnotizing eyes.

"I guess I know."

I looked back at her, my eyes pleading. "Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"

"What are you asking? My permission?" she paused. "I mean, is there no hope, then?"

"No, no!" I stared into her eyes, desperate to make her understand. "Of course there's hope! I mean of course I won't..." I stopped. "It's different for us. Emmett...these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as...practiced, as careful, as he is now." Her eyes were endless.

"So if we'd met...oh, in a dark alley or something..."

"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and - when you walked passed me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself." I scowled at the trees. "You must have though I was possessed."

"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly..."

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin...I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow..." I had looked down during my horrific confession. "You would have come," I whispered staring back at her.

"Without a doubt."

I frowned at our interlocked hands. "And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there - in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there - so easily dealt with."

She shivered. I had a strange urge to wrap myself around her, to warm the dread away. But then I remembered my skin would only chill her.

"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself _not_ to wait for you, _not_ to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home - I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong - and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving."

Bella's eyes widened in surprise.

"I traded cars with him - he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to have to stop. I didn't dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me it wasn't necessary."

"By the next morning I was in Alaska. I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances...but I was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant girl," I grinned. "To chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back...I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it."

"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind...her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating." I grimaced at the memory.

"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up i your expressions...and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again..."

"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment - because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At that time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'" I shut my eyes from the vision of that day.

"In the hospital," she whispered.

My eyes flashed to hers. "I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power - you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." We both flinched. "But it was the opposite effect, I fought with Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time...the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice," I frowned at the memory of my sister's argument.

"Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay. All the next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair...it hit me as hard as the very first day."

My eyes grew tender. "And for all that, I'd have fared better if I _had_ exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here - with no witnesses and nothing to stop me..." The monster growled but I ignored it. " - I were to hurt you."

"Why?"

"Isabella," I stroked her hair, she shivered...from fear? "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how its tortured me...the thought of you, still, white, cold...to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses...it would be unendurable." I looked into her chocolate eyes. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever." She looked down.

"You already know how I feel, of course. I'm here...which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you," she frowned at her own words. "I'm an idiot."

"You _are_ an idiot," I laughed and she joined me. "And the lion fell in love with the lamb." She glanced down again.

"What a stupid lamb," she finally sighed.

"What a sick, masochistic lion."

"Why...?"

I smiled, "Yes?"

"Tell me why you ran from me before."

"You know why."

"No, I mean, _exactly_ what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example' - she stroked my hand - "seems to be all right."

I smiled, "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you."

"Well..." she was so selfless. "It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness..." _Most_ humans. "I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your _throat_." I stopped, shocked at my own insensitivity.

"Okay, then," she tucked her chin. "No throat exposure."

I laughed. "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else." I slowly raised my free hand and placed it on the side of her neck. I could feel her blood pumping through her veins. And her heartbeat had picked up. "You see," I whispered because my breath had gotten stuck somewhere on the way out. "Perfectly fine." Her heart pounded in her chest. "The blush on your cheeks is lovely." I freed my other hand and brushed her jaw. "Be very still." Slowly, never moving my eyes form hers, I leaned to toward her, resting my cheek against the hollow of her throat. My hands slid down her neck and I felt her shiver. My throat was suddenly dry...but not only from blood thirst now.

I was fighting two hungers. One for the lush blood her erratic heart pumped through her veins and the other for the tension Emmett had teased me about yesterday. I tilted my head and breathed in the scent of her collarbone, I gently rested my head on her chest and listened to her heart.

"Ah," I sighed. I don't know how long I held her, but eventually I move away. "It won't be so hard again."

"Was it hard for you?" she asked.

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be." I said with satisfaction. "And you?"

"No, it wasn't bad..." she hesitated. "For me."

I smiled at her infection. "You know what I mean." She grinned. "Here," I placed my hand in hers again. "Do you feel how warm it is?"

"Don't move," she whispered. She moved even slower than I had, to not startle me, and touched my cheek, my eyelids, my nose. When she reached my lips she stopped, but then traced the shape of them. They parted under her warm fingers. I opened my eyes when her hand fell away. The muscles in my stomach were clenched.

"I wish...I wish you could feel the...complexity...the confusion...I feel. That you could understand." I touched her hair.

"Tell me," she breathed.

"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger - the thirst - that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you understand that, to an extent. Though" - I smiled - "as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't emphasize completely. But...." My fingers traced her lips lightly, I tightened my jaw when she shivered again. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

"I may understand _that_ better than you think," Bella whispered.

"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?"

"For me?" she asked. "No, never. Never before this."

I held her hands in mine. "I don't know how to be close to you. I don't know if I can." Bella leaned towards me slowly and rested her cheek on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and pressed my face in her hair, breathing in her scent.

"This is enough," she sighed. "You're better at this than you give yourself credit for."

"I have human instincts - they may be buried deep, but they're there." We sat there until the sun started to set when she sighed. "You have to go."

"I thought you couldn't read my mind."

I smiled. "It's getting clearer." An idea popped into my head. I took her shoulders. "Can I show you something?"

"Show me what?"

"I'll show you how _I_ travel in the forest." Her expression looked worried. "Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster," I beamed and her heart stopped for a moment. Was she that frightened?

"Will you turn into a bat?" she asked warily.

I laughed.

"Like I haven't heard _that_ one before!"

'Right, I'm sure you get that all the time."

"Come on, little coward, climb on my back."

Her pulse quickened and I smiled at her hesitation, I reached for her and slung her onto my back with her legs around my waist. I struggled to ignore the feeling of her legs clamped around me, of her warmth pressed against my back..

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack."

"Hah!" I snorted. I grabbed her hand and brought her wrist to my nose, inhaling deeply. "Easier all the time," and then I took off towards her truck.

It was exhilarating having her with me as I streaked through the forest that it had taken us hours to hike through. To have her so close to me, the twisting feeling in my gut, similar to when I had touched her lips returned. Her lips had been so soft...like rose petals. When we reached her truck within minutes I waited for her to climb down.

"Bella?" I asked when she didn't move.

"I think I need to lie down," she gasped.

"Oh, sorry," she didn't move.

"I think I need help," she said. I chuckled softly and pulled her around in my arms, I held her close for a moment and then remembered her request and placed her on the ferns.

"How do you feel?"

"Dizzy, I think."

"Put your head between your knees." She did that and took a few deep breathes. "I guess that wasn't the best idea."

"No, it was very interesting."

I laughed, "Hah! You're as white as a ghost - no, you're as white as _me_!"

"I think I should have close my eyes."

"Remember that next time."

"Next time!" she groaned. I couldn't help laughing. "Show-off." She bit her lip, and I frowned. I sank to a kneeling position beside her, my eyes still on her mouth.

"Open your eyes, Bella," I said quietly. Her eyes flashed open and widened slightly when she saw how close I was. "I was thinking, while I was running..."

"About not hitting trees, I hope."

I chuckled. "Silly Bella, running is a second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show-off," she repeated. I smiled

"No," I whispered quickly before I lost my nerve. "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." I took her face in my hands and stopped for a second, gauging whether it was safe to continue. I leaned forward and pressed my lips gently against hers. The warmth was unbelievable. Her lips were even softer than they looked when they were against mine. However, I was not prepared for her reaction. She knotted her fingers in my hair and her lips opened slightly. I breathed in her intoxicating scent.

I gently pulled back from her. My hands slid to her shoulders.

"Oops," she breathed.

"That's an understatement." I clenched my jaw and tried to control myself.

"Should I...?" she tried to move away but I stopped her.

"No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please."

I grinned.

"There."

"Tolerable?"

I laughed. "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry," she sighed.

"You _are_ only human, after all," I chuckled again.

"Thanks so much." I jumped up and offered her my hand, she took it and stumbled.

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?"

"I can't be sure, I'm still too woozy. I think it's some of both, though."

"Maybe you should let me drive."

"Are you insane?"

"I can drive better than you on your best day," I joked. "You have much slower reflexes.

"I'm sure that's true," she agreed. "But I think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."

"Some trust, please, Bella."

She curled her hand around the keys in her pocket. She pursed her lips and then, "Nope, not a chance." She started to walk around me but stumbled again. I slipped my arm around her waist and pulled her close.

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive." I whispered into her ear. "I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk," I laughed.

"Drunk?" she protested.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence," I teased her.

"I can't argue with that," she agreed. My grin grew wider. She held the keys out and dropped them, I caught them without a sound. "Take it easy - my truck is a senior citizen."

"Very sensible," I loosened my hold on her.

"And are you not affected at all?" she asked, a somewhat disgruntled look on her face. "By my presence?" My face softened and I tightened my grip around her waist, pulling her against my chest. I bent my head and brushed my lips along her jaw, from her ear to her chin and back again. Her heart fluttered and my breath turned ragged.

"Regardless," I said after a moment. "I have better reflexes."


	4. Chapter 4: Mind Over Matter

14. Mind Over Matter

For once, I was quite content with driving fifty miles an hour. As I drove towards Forks my right hand was intertwined with Bella's resting on the seat between us. Her hair was loose as usual, but flying away from her face out her open window. She was beautiful…with sun shining on her fair face. I was once again hit with the staggering confusion that her beauty had not originally affected me. _How had I been unfazed?_

As I drove down the winding road I sang along to some 50's song that was playing on the radio. Bella broke my recitation when she asked me if I liked music from the 50's.

"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies!" I groaned at the memory. "The eighties were bearable," I added on an after thought.

"Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" she whispered. I looked at her, smiling to reassure her.

"Does it matter much?"

She frowned, "No, but I still wonder…there's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night."

"I wonder if it will upset you."

I looked out the windshield, my eyes settling on the sun setting on the horizon. Would it bother her that I was a hundred and four years old? The minutes dragged on.

"Try me," said Bella. I looked away from the sun to meet her warm eyes. Her expression was so innocent, and trusting that it melted me to the core. I sucked in a mouth of air and looked away.

"I was born in Chicago in 1901." I looked back at her to gauge her reaction. I smiled at the expectant look in her eyes as she waited for me to go on. "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza."

She gasped and my eyes flew to her face.

"I don't remember it well – it was a very long ago, and human memories fade. I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget."

"Your parents?"

"They had already died of the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would realize I was gone."

"How did he…save you?" she asked. I frowned for half a second but smoothed my features so she would not catch it.

"It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us…I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history," I paused. "For me, it was merely very, very painful."

I could feel her intense gaze on the side of my face but I continued to stare at the road in front of us.

"He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, thought he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff." I winced internally at the slight variation from the truth but continued on. "They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating."

"So you must be dying, then, to become…" her voice trailed off.

"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice. It is easier he says, though, if the blood is weak."

"And Emmett and Rosalie?"

"Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him – he was careful with his thoughts around me," I rolled my eyes at the ridiculousness. "But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting – we were in Appalachia at the time – and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." I looked down at our joined hands and then up to her face dragging them up with my eyes to brush her jaw with the back of my hand.

"But she made it," she pointed out, staring right back at me.

"Yes," I agreed. "She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we enrolled in high school." I laughed. "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, _again_."

"Alice and Jasper?" she prompted.

"Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another…family, a _very_ different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

"Really? But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts," Bella said breathlessly.

"That's true. She knows other things. She_ other_ things – things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change." I refused to believe either of the futures Alice had seen of Bella, the one of her cold lifeless body and the one of her cold immortal one. I would not let either happen.

"What kinds of things does she see?"

Ugh.

"She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

"Are there a lot of your kind?"

"No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people," I glanced at her with a smirk, "can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable, those of us who live...differently tend to band together."

"And the others?" she pressed. I pulled up to Bella's house and shut the engine off.

"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."

"Why is that?"

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?" I laughed. "Do you thing I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing any traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years." I sighed.

"So that's where the legends cam from?"

"Probably."

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"

"No, and that _is _a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone," it puzzled me, why one of us would leave her in the dark. It was like abandoning a newborn in an alley. "Whoever made her walked away," I continued. "And none of us understands why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage." I stopped as Bella's stomach growled. "I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner."

"I'm fine, really."

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget," I apologized.

"I want to stay with you."

I smiled.

"Can't I come in?"

"Would you like to?" she asked.

"Yes, if it's all right," I spoke softly as I got out and opened her door for her.

"Very human," Bella complimented.

"It's definitely resurfacing." We walked towards Bella's door and I swooped down to grab the key and unlocked it quickly, opening it for her.

"The door was unlocked?"

"No, I used the key from under the eave," I answered. "I was curious about you," I explained when she raised her eyebrows.

"You spied on me?"

"What else is there to do at night?"

She did not reply but instead turned towards the kitchen, I settled myself in a chair at the table. She stared for a moment before getting something to eat.

I watched as she moved about the small kitchen, getting something from the fridge and putting it in the microwave to heat.

"How often?" she said as she watched the plate revolve slowly.

"Hmmm?" I focused on her voice rather than her back.

"How often did you come here?"

"I come here almost every night," I answered truthfully. She spun around.

"Why?"

"You're interesting when you sleep. You talk." She wasn't going to like that.

"No!" she cried, her cheeks blushing bright red. She clutched at the counter behind her. I glanced anxiously at her white knuckles before returning to her flushed face.

"Are you very angry with me?" I asked, mortified.

"That depends!" She did not continue.

"On?"

"What you heard!" She wailed. I stood up quickly and was by her side. I grabbed her hands. I only had a few moments before Charlie would be home.

"Don't be upset!" I leaned down to look into her eyes but Bella looked away. "You miss your mother, you worry about her and when it rains…the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too _green_.'" I laughed lightly as to not offend her. She met my gaze.

"Anything else?" she demanded. I saw in her eyes what she was implying.

"You did say my name," I said after a moment. She sighed deeply.

"A lot?"

"How much do you mean by 'a lot,' exactly?"

"Oh no!" she hung her head again.

"Don't be self-conscious," I said, pulling her to my chest. "If I could dream at all, it would be of you," I whispered in her ear. "And I'm not ashamed of it."

The sound of Charlie's cruiser could be heard on the driveway, and he was hungry. Bella stiffened.

"Should your father know I'm here?" I asked.

"I'm not sure…"

"Another time then…" I left quickly and made my way up the stairs to Bella's room, shutting the door behind me. I swallowed as her scent hit me, it was almost as strong as on her person. I gingerly lay on her bed and listened to her whisper my name furiously. I chuckled.

"Bella?" called Charlie from the front door.

"In here." I heard her answer.

"Can you get me some of that? I'm bushed."

I could hear clinking coming from the kitchen as Bella got Charlie a plate form the cupboard.

"Thanks."

"How was your day?" she asked. I laughed at her rushed words.

"Good. The fish were biting…how about you? Did you get everything done that you wanted to?"

"Not really – it was too nice out to stay indoors." I smiled.

"It was a nice day," and after a moment, "In a hurry?"

"Yeah, I'm tired. I'm going to go to bed early," Bella said hurriedly, I heard her chair scrape on the floor as she got up.

"You look kinda keyed up," observed Charlie.

"Do I?"

"It's Saturday," mused her father. "No plans tonight?"

I tried to listen to what was going on in his head and got vaguely that Charlie thought she was going to sneak out. I smiled.

"No, Dad, I just want to get some sleep."

"None of the boys in town your type, eh?"  
My smile vanished.

"No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet," said Bella, emphasizing the word _boys. _

"I thought maybe that Mike Newton…you said he was friendly."

I growled quietly, jealously coursing through my veins. I suddenly felt sick.

"He's _just_ a friend, Dad," assured Bella.

"Well, you're too good for them all, anyway."

I mentally patted Charlie on the back.

"Wait till you get to college to start looking," he continued.

"Sounds like a good idea to me."

"'Night, honey."

"See you in the morning, Dad." Bella walked slowly up the stairs and opened the door to her room, shutting it behind her loudly. She ran to the window and opened it leaning out. "Edward?" she whispered.

"Yes?" I laughed, grinning as she turned quickly to see me lying across her bed.

"Oh!" she breathed, sinking to the floor.

"I'm sorry."

"Just give me a minute to restart my heart."

I sat up and reached towards her, grasping her shoulders and dragged her onto her bed.

"Why don't you sit with me?" I placed a hand on hers. "How's the heart?"

"You tell me – I'm sure you hear it better than I do."

I laughed, listening to her heartbeat as she suggested.

"Can I have a minute to be human?" she asked.

'Certainly," I gestured for her to proceed.

"Stay," she commanded.

"Yes, ma'am."

Bella jumped up grabbing some clothes off the floor and a bag off her desk before slipping into the hall and making sure to close the door. As soon as it was shut I got up from the bed and looked around the room. I had never had the luxury of inspecting it carefully for fear of waking her. I examined the books and cds stacked on the floor.

I heard Bella go into the bathroom and water falling in the shower, the movement as it fell down on her and landed at her feet. I gulped. I quickly started humming Bella's lullaby. A few minutes later I heard her run down the stairs and tell Charlie goodnight again. Then she was running up the stairs again and in the room. I was on the bed again before she turned the handle. I looked up at her; she was wearing gray sweatpants and a worn t-shirt. Her hair was darker from being freshly washed and draped across her shoulders. I could smell her shampoo as it diffused though the room. She smiled down at me.

"Nice."

She grimaced.

"No, it looks good on you."

"Thanks," she whispered as she sat beside me.

"What was that all for?"

"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out."

"Oh…why?"

"Apparently, I look a little overexcited."

I gently lifted her chin.

"You look very warm, actually." I slowly rested my cheek against hers, breathing in her scent deeply. "Mmmmmm…"

"It seems to be…much easier for you, now, to be close to me," she whispered.

I moved my nose to her jaw, inhaling all the way. I barely noticed what she was saying. It was addicting…her smell.

"Does it seem that way to you?" I teased lazily. The venom on my tongue shouted at me that I was wrong, that resisting her aroma was no less difficult but I ignored it. Instead I swept her damp hair back exposing her neck to my lips. I moved to the hollow under her ear. My eyes closed involuntarily at the taste of her.

I heard her breath catch.

"Much, much, easier."

"Hmm," was all I managed to get out.

"So I was wondering…" she trailed off as I traced her collarbone with my finger.

"Yes?"

"Why is that," her voice shook, "do you think?"

"Mind over matter," I laughed. She pulled back abruptly. I froze, staring at her face. "Did I do something wrong?" I asked hesitantly.

"No – the opposite. You're driving me crazy."

"Really?" I smiled triumphantly.

"Would you like a round of applause?" she frowned.

I grinned.

"I'm just pleasantly surprised. In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with…in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it…" I swallowed at the emotions running through me. "…At being with you…"

"You're good at everything," I laughed with her. "But how can it be so easy now? This afternoon…"

"It's not _easy_. But this afternoon, I was still…undecided. I am sorry for that, it was unforgiveable for me to behave so."

"Not unforgiveable."

"Thank you," I smiled. "You see, I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" I looked down and picked up one of her hands and pressed it to my cheek. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be…overcome," I breathed in the fragrance of her wrist, "I was…susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I _was_ strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would…" I struggled, "that I ever could…"

"So there's no possibility now?"

"Mind over matter," I smiled.

"Wow, that was easy."

I laughed.

"Easy for _you_!" I touched her nose lightly with my finger. "I'm trying…" I whispered. "If it gets to be…" I gasped to quiet for her to hear. "…Too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave." Bella scowled. "And it will be harder tomorrow. I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite form scratch, though, I think"

"Don't go away, then," she whispered.

"That suits me," I smiled. I moved my hands to form rings around her delicate wrists. "Bring on the shackles – I'm your prisoner." I laughed.

"You seem more…optimistic than usual. I haven't seen you like this before," teased Bella.

"Isn't it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"

"Very different," she agreed. "More forceful than I imagined."

"For example, the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…" I frowned. "Do you remember that day that Mike asked you to the dance?" I had to fight not to replace the boy's name with something profane. Bella nodded.

"The day you started talking to me again."

"I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt – I didn't recognized what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I _tried_ not to care." I chuckled somewhat angrily. "And then the line started forming."

"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure. That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was _right_, moral, ethical, and what I _wanted_. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry," I growled.

"And then," I whispered, "As you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer." I stopped talking; the torrent of words that had filled my mind became suddenly dry as I looked at her. Bella's heart was pounding in an uneven beat; it calmed me, listening to the thud against her rib cage.

"But jealousy…it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…" I could not go on in fear of uttering something rude.

"I should have known you were listening," Bella groaned.

"Of course." _It should be obvious by now._

"_That_ made you feel jealous, though, really?"

"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."

"But honestly, for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie – Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, _Rosalie_ – was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?" said Bella rapidly. I chuckled and drew her hands behind her back, holding her to my chest.

"There's no competition," I grinned.

"I _know_ there's no competition, that's the problem," she mumbled.

"Of course Rosalie _is_ beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never come a tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me. For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours…all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."

"It hardly seems fair," she whispered, her breath warming my chest. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

"You're right, I should make this harder for you, definitely." I stroked her damp hair. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity…what's that worth?" I teased gently.

"Very little," she said. "I don't feel deprived of anything."

"Not yet," I said quietly, too quietly for her to hear. I was suddenly filled with misery at my existence…once again.

"What – " she started when I heard Charlie put a foot on the first stair. I let go of her hands and disappeared out the window.

"Lie down!"

I peered in the window and watched as she threw the quilt over her and curled up on her side with her eyes shut tightly. Charlie opened the door a crack and peeked in. Bella breathed evenly, over exaggerating her actions. I listened as Charlie went back downstairs, chuckling softly to myself as he went outside and detached the battery cables on Bella's truck.

I slipped back into the room and lay back on the bed, wrapping my arm around Bella's waist.

"You are a terrible actress – I'd say that career path is out for you."

"Damn it," muttered.

I began to hum her lullaby.

"Should I sing you to sleep?"

"Right, like, I could sleep with you here!"

"You do it all the time," I reminded her.

"But I didn't _know_ you were here."

"So if you don't want to sleep…" I trailed off.

"If I don't want to sleep…?"

"What do you want to do then?" I laughed. _ I can think of many things. _

"I'm not sure," she finally said.

"Tell me when you decide." Her scent swirled around me and once again I found myself basking in it as I ran my nose along her jaw and down her neck.

"I thought you were desensitized."

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," I whispered, inhaling where her shoulder met her slender neck. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender…or freesia. It's mouthwatering."

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get _somebody_ telling me how edible I smell."

I laughed.

"I've decided what I want do. I want to hear more about you."

"Ask me anything."

"Why do you do it? I still don't understand you can work so hard to resist what you…_are._ Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

"That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others – the majority of our kind who are not quite content with our lot – they, too, wonder how we live," I tried to explain; the urge to confide in her was undeniable. "But you see, just because we've been…dealt a certain hand…it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above – to conquer the boundaries of a destiny none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."

I watched her as she absorbed this piece of information, once again in awe of her bravery, that despite all of my horrifying revelations she had remained at my side. It was truly staggering.

"Did you fall asleep?" I asked when the silence dragged on. _Was she getting ready to bolt? Had I finally said too much?_ It was torture waiting for her to answer, it was only three seconds until she did but it felt like eternity.

"Not quite."

"What else do you want to know?"

"Why can you read minds – why only you? And Alice, seeing the future…why does that happen?"

"We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory…he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified – like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was," I shrugged. I had long ago stopped wondering where my ability had come from, but it seemed that in the presence of Bella, like my gentlemanly manners, old mysteries were resurfacing as well.

"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"

"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her…tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness," I laughed out loud. "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him – calm down a room of angry people, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."

"So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on…"

"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself," I added somewhat disgruntled. "Is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal with the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight – I'm the baby seal right?"

"Right," I laughed, _sweet sweet Bella_. I lightly kissed the top of her head in amusement. "Are you ready to sleep? Or do you have any more questions?"

"Only a million or two."

"We have tomorrow," I reminded her, a smile appearing on my face at the thought. "And the next day, and the next…"

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning? You are mythical, after all."

"I won't leave you," I promised.

"One more, then, tonight," she whispered. I frowned as her scent became more acute. _Why was she blushing?_

"What is it?" I asked eagerly.

"No, forget it. I changed my mind."

"Bella," her name rolled off my tongue pleasantly. "You can ask me anything." I groaned when she continued her silence. "I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and _worse_," I moaned.

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking," argued Bella.

"Please?" I asked softly. Bella shook her head. "If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is," I said impatiently. I waited, but she did not respond. "Please?" I tried again.

"Well," she started.

"Yes?" I encouraged; he shifted uncomfortably.

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon…is that…marriage…the same as it is for humans?" she whispered. I laughed in earnest, her meaning dawning on me.

"Is _that_ what you're getting at?" She didn't answer but only squirmed again. "Yes, I suppose it is very much the same. I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"Oh."

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?" I smiled.

"Well, I did wonder…about you and me…someday…" she mumbled. I froze at her insinuation. The monster was smirking from within its cage.

My heart sank to the pit in my stomach at the implication.

"I don't think that…that…would be possible for us," I managed to whisper with the last bit of air in my lungs. I did not want to add fuel to the fire raging below the surface.

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that…close?"

I clenched my jaw.

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily Bella, simply by accident," my heart ached at the words that fell from my mouth. How I wished that I were human now, for all of my existence I had wished for this but now that I had met Bella the want for humanity was more acute. "If I were to hasty…" I gently brushed my hand against Bella's soft cheek. "If for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skill by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly _breakable_ you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you," I confessed. "Are you scared?" I barely whispered.

"No. I'm fine," she said generously. How I wished that I could give Bella what she had asked for…to be able to provide her with everything life cold give; that love could give. It was cruel of the world to simply provide her with my inadequate love. I loved her vastly, more than anyone could ever, but I would never be able to show her.

"I'm curious now, though," I paused, suddenly anxious. "Have _you_ ever…?"

I was immediately presented with the aroma of Bella's blood pooling in her cheeks. This reaction was not particularly helpful.

"Of course not. I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company," I said, a smile appearing on my pale lips.

"They do for me. Now, anyways, that they exist for me at all."

"That's nice, we have that one thing in common, at least," I said smiling.

"Your human instincts…" Bella paused. "Well, do you find me attractive, in _that_ way, at all?" she finally blurted out. I laughed although slightly put out at the doubt behind her words. I rumpled her hair lightly and whispered in her ear.

"I may not be a human, but I am a man." _You have no idea how much you affect me Isabella. _She shivered and tried to hold back a yawn. "I've answered your questions, now you should sleep."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" she almost shouted, clinging to my arm wrapped around her waist. I snickered and began humming her lullaby again to try and sooth her to sleep.

Eventually her breathing evened and she began to relax. I glanced at the clock and pulled back from Bella when she shivered again; it made me sad that I had to create space between us. I tucked the quilt around her small frame.

"…Edward…" she mumbled. I clenched my jaw at the sound of my name on her lips. "Edward…I love you…" she breathed. I carefully shifted closer to her so that I could be near her. I was in awe at the feelings that were coursing through my veins.

I lightly brushed her hair away from her face, draping it across the pillow. She was so beautiful. It shocked me to my very core every time I caught a glimpse of her.

"Gym…" she grimaced. "…too green…"

I smiled, fighting back laughter. I stood, careful not to wake her and kissed her forehead before climbing out the window. I ran swiftly to my family, almost eager to share my victory with them. But I slowly began to dread what their reactions would be to my successful day…that Bella remained unscathed.

Alice was waiting for me at the door, a small smile on her lips.

"Edward."

"Alice," I answered, shutting the door behind me. Her smile widened and then she twirled effortlessly, leaving me alone by the door. I smiled.

I quickly ran up the stairs to my room and stood in the middle of the floor basking in the feeling of the day.

………………..

I returned to Bella's house just as the sun rose, freshly dressed. When I climbed into Bella's room through the window she was still asleep. I settled myself in the rocking chair in the corner and waited, waited for my love to rise.


	5. Chapter 5: The Cullens

15. The Cullens

It was about an hour later that I heard Charlie get up and make himself coffee. Half an hour later he left the house, stopping on his way to his cruiser to reattach Bella's battery in her truck. Another hour passed before Bella showed any signs of wakening; she was lying diagonally across her bed with the quilt I had wrapped around her pushed down to her hips. A pale arm was thrown over her eyes, something that irritated me, for I could not see her face. However, soon I realized that I could admire her slender wrist to the best advantage…the delicate joint that flowed into the smooth crease of her elbow. The colour was brilliant.

I sighed as she shifted slightly onto her side, a soft groan emitted from her lips. Her arm fell to rest on the pillow beside her bed and the pucker on her forehead returned.

"Oh!"

She sat bolt upright suddenly, almost startling me. Her eyes flew open as she tried to take in her surroundings…they squinted in the sunlight that illuminated the room. Her hair was flung over her head in a careless way. It was endearing.

"Your hair looks like a haystack…but I like it."

She turned slightly to face me.

"Edward!" The joy in her voice as she said my name would have given me goose bumps if I could grow colder. "You stayed!" My joy however quickly grew to alarm as she hurtled towards me, landing in my lap. She froze seven seconds after I did. Two seconds later I laughed at the shocked look on her face.

"Of course," I smiled; I could not resist sliding my hands up her warm back, my fingers tingled.

"I was sure it was a dream," she said, laying her head on my chest.

"You're not that creative."

"Charlie!" she cried abruptly, jumping up from my lap and rushing to the door.

"He left an hour ago – after reattaching your battery cables, I might add. I have to admit I was disappointed. Is that really all it would take to stop you, if you were determined to go?" I teased. Bella did not answer but instead stood unsure by the door. "You're not usually this confused in the morning." I smiled again, lifting my arms for her to come back.

"I need another human moment," she said, hesitating.

"I'll wait." Bella turned swiftly and left the room only to rush back after she had finished in freshening up. I reached for her and smiled as she settled in my arms. "Welcome back."

I rocked us back and forth, gently stroking her back and arms, enjoying the feel of her in my arms.

"You left?" she asked, tracing the collar of my shirt.

"I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in – what would the neighbours think?" I chuckled. Bella's face fell and I hurried to reassure her. "You were very deeply asleep; I didn't miss anything," I added mischievously. "The talking came earlier." Bella groaned again.

"What did you hear?" she said, blushing.

"You said you loved me," I said, beaming.

"You knew that already," Bella whispered as she looked down. I touched my lips to her chocolate tresses.

"It was nice to hear, just the same."

"I love you," she whispered.

My heart almost started beating.

"You are my life now."

We continued to rock back and forth until I heard the distinct sound of Bella's stomach growling. A look of panic flickered across her face and she clutched her throat. I froze.

"Kidding!" she snickered. "And you said I couldn't act!" I frowned.

"That wasn't funny."

Bella leveled her face with mine and looked into my eyes, I got lost somewhere in the chocolate brown depths.

"It was very funny, and you know it."

"Shall I rephrase?" I asked. It seemed I could not remain angry with her. "Breakfast time for the human."

"Oh, okay," agreed Bella. I grasped her hips and swung her over my left shoulder, carrying her easily down the stairs. I ignored her indignant cries of outrage and set her down on a chair by her kitchen table. "What's for breakfast?" she asked me. I had no idea.

"Er, I'm not sure. What would you like?" _What did humans eat?_ Bella saved me, hopping up from her chair and reaching for a cupboard.

"That's all right, I fend for myself pretty well. Watch me hunt." I smirked at her jesting. Bella got a bowl and a small cardboard box and placed it on the table. She opened the fridge and brought the milk out, grabbing a spoon on her way by the cutlery drawer. "Can I get you anything?"

"Just eat, Bella," I rolled my eyes. She began eating again.

"What's on the agenda for today?" she asked between spoon-fulls.

"Hmmm…what would you say to meeting my family?" I asked, watching her face intently. "Are you afraid now?" I asked, bittersweet turmoil thrashing around in my head.

"Yes."

"Don't worry, I'll protect you," I smirked. This was all so absurd; here I was promising to protect her while all the while posing the most danger.

"I'm not afraid of _them_, I'm afraid they won't…like me. Won't they be, well, surprised that you would bring someone…like me…home to meet them? Do they know that I know about them?"

"Oh, they already know everything. They'd taken bets yesterday, you know," I paused. "On whether I'd bring you back, though why anyone would bet against Alice, I can't imagine. At any rate, we don't have secrets in the family. It's not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seeing the future and all that."

"And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that," smiled Bella.

"You paid attention."

"I've been known to do that every now and then," she smirked at my guilty look. "So did Alice see me coming?"

"Something like that," I said, grimacing as the words hit my own ears. I refused to let what Alice had seen come true. There was still time to change what she'd seen, to make some decision that would lead Bella away from that horrible fate. "Is that any good?" I asked, changing the subject. "Honestly, it doesn't look very appetizing."

"Well, it's no irritable grizzly…" she looked down at the bowl rather than at my glower. I stood suddenly…if I was going to introduce Bella to my family, put her in danger for my own pride and pleasure, should she not at the very least introduce my to Charlie? I knew that I was being greedy but now that this had been set in motion, I was eager for everyone to know that Bella was with me.

"And you should introduce me to your father, too, I think," I said, staring down at her.

"He already knows you," she objected.

"As your boyfriend, I mean."

I beamed at the suspicion that flitted across her face.

"Why?"

"Isn't that customary?" I asked sweetly.

"I don't know…that's not necessary, you know. I don't expect you to…I mean, you don't have to pretend for me."

"I'm not pretending." Bella did not respond, only played with the remains of her cereal. "Are you going to tell Charlie I'm your boyfriend or not?" I demanded, losing my patience.

"Is that what you are?"

"It's a loose interpretation of the word 'boy,' I'll admit." _Why was she worrying about unimportant technicalities?_

"I was under the impression that you were something more, actually," she said looking at the table again. My face softened at her confession.

"Well, I don't know if we need to give him all the gory details," I reached across the table to lift her chin. "But he will need some explanation for why I'm around here so much. I don't want Chief Swan getting a restraining order put on me," I joked. _Not that it would stop me. _

"Will you be? Will you really be here?" Her eyes burned intensely as she waited for my answer.

"As long as you want me."

"I'll always want you. Forever."

The intensity of her words made my breath catch. I was overjoyed but at the same time frightened. Could I bear to put her in danger her entire life? Could I let her be part of my unnatural world? Could I bear to lose her a little every day, as she got closer to the next life…whatever that may be?

But even as my mind whirred with the possibilities I knew that I was not strong enough to leave. I walked around the table to her, gently touching her cheek with my fingers.

"Does that make you sad?" she asked at my silence.

"Are you finished?" I said.

"Yes."

"Get dressed – I'll wait here."

Bella darted up the stairs and I waited in the kitchen, pondering the next few hours. Alice had assured me all would be well yet a certain uncertainty that was forever in the back of my mind while around Bella remained. It would be fine…I could trust my family.

"Okay. I'm decent." I heard Bella at the landing and rushed to the bottom of the stairs to meet her. She must not have seen me because she ran right into me. I steadied her and then stepped away to take in her appearance. She was wearing the blue blouse that she'd worn in Port Angeles, the one that looked divine against he pale skin. She wore a tan skirt that hugged her slender hips with her hair pulled back, exposing her smooth neck. I clenched my jaw.

"Wrong again. You are utterly indecent – no one should look so tempting, it's not fair," I whispered into her ear as I pulled her close.

"Tempting how? I can change…"

"You are so absurd," I sighed as I kissed her forehead. "Shall I explain how you are tempting to me?" I suggested. My fingers slid down to the small of Bella's back; I could feel the warmth of her skin through the thin fabric of her blouse. The feel of her slender figure pressed against me was divine and my breath became uneven as I lifted Bella's chin to look into her eyes. Very slowly I raised her lips to mine, parting them gently. Bella suddenly went limp; I moved my other arm from her jaw to her waist, holding her upright. "Bella?"

"You …made…me …faint," she sputtered.

"_What am I going to do with you?_ Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!"

Bella laughed faintly.

"So much for being good at everything," I sighed.

"That's the problem, you're _too_ good…far too good."

"Do you feel sick?" I ignored her compliments, worried she was nauseous like yesterday. She was pale but I could not judge by that, Bella was always pale. I frowned.

"No – that wasn't the same kind of fainting at all. I don't know what happened," she shook her head. "I think I forgot to breathe.

"I can't take you anywhere like this."

"I'm fine, you're family is going to think I'm insane anyway, what's the difference?" She'd tilted her head to the side as she said this and my eye was caught by the colour of her neck again next to the blue was addicting. I could not look away.

"I'm very partial to that colour with your skin," I whispered. Bella flushed a gorgeous rosy hue at my words, intensifying the vision before my eyes.

"Look, I'm trying really hard not to think about what I'm about to do, so can we go already?"

"And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?"

"That's right."

"You're incredible." I shook my head at her logic. She was more fearful that the lions would not like her than that she might be suicidal for walking into the den in the first place.

I opened the front door as Bella put her jacket on and we made our way towards her truck…I managed to convince her to let me drive again since she did not know the way. It took about twenty minutes to pull up in front of my house, well at Bella's preferred speed at least.

"Wow."

"You like it?"

"It…has a certain charm."

"Ready?" I laughed as I pulled the end of her ponytail. I was on her side of the truck in seconds, opening the door for her.

"Not even a little bit – lets' go," she said with a shaky laugh. Bella ran a nervous hand over her hair, smoothing it down.

"You look lovely," I whispered, leading her up the front steps to the porch. I could feel the tension rolling off of her in waves, as we got closer to the door. I rubbed her hand. Her hand slid from mine as I reached to open the door but I drew her through with a hand at her waist.

Carlisle and Esme were standing by my piano; they made no move forward at my previous request. I did not want them to scare Bella.

"Carlise, Esme," I said somewhat nervously, "This is Bella." Carlisle moved forward slowly.

"You're very welcome, Bella," he said smoothly. He raised his right hand cautiously. I breathed in shallowly, would Carlisle and Esme's unusual slowness comfort or alarm her? They moved more slowly than most humans would in an effort to make her comfortable. Bella stepped from my side to meet Carlisle. She placed her small hand in his and I stopped breathing altogether.

"It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen."

"Please, call me Carlisle."

"Carlisle," Bella's face lit up and she smiled brilliantly. I felt my face move to match hers.

_Edward! Hurry up and call us down! I want to meet Bella too!_ Alice's impatient thoughts entered my mind from upstairs.

"It's very nice to know you," Esme smiled warmly and stepped next to Carlisle, reaching to touch Bella's hand as well.

"Thank you. I'm glad to meet you, too."

"Where are Alice and Jasper? I asked, subtly giving Alice her wish. She and Jasper appeared at the top of the staircase the minute the words left my lips.

"Hey, Edward!" _Took you long enough. _Alice flew down the steps in a blur of black and white coming to a graceful stop right in front of Bella. I glared at her. "Hi, Bella!" she said smiling sweetly over Bella's shoulder at me. She darted forward to kiss Bella's cheek. I froze. The _nerve _of her! Jasper started down the stairs, he could feel my anger bubbling towards Alice. "You do smell nice, I never noticed before," she continued, seemingly oblivious to my darkening mood. Bella's blush filled the room but I relaxed a little when Bella smiled at her.

Jasper was hesitantly by Alice's side, although he moved at a slower pace than my dear sister, very aware of Bella's alluring scent. I felt Bella's body relax against mine as he came to a stop a little further from her than Alice was. I raised my eyebrow at him but he ignored it.

"Hello, Bella."

"Hello, Jasper," Bella greeted him shyly. She looked at my parents. "It's nice to meet you all – you have a very beautiful home."

"Thank you," Esme said. "We're so glad that you came." _She's perfect, Edward! _ Esme thought gleefully but I was distracted by Carlisle, _Alice saw some nomads near the boundary at La Push. They hit it and turned around, she says they won't come any closer to Forks. But still it's best to be prepared. _I nodded and inch, my mind whirring in frustration at my own kind. _I wasn't sure if you wanted Bella to know_, he continued.

"Do you play?" Esme asked Bella, inclining her head towards my piano.

"Not at all," Bella shook her head. "But it's so beautiful. Is it yours?"

"No," laughed Esme. "Edward didn't tell you he was musical?"

"No," Bella turned to glare at my suddenly innocent expression and then narrowed her eyes. "I should have known, I guess." She frowned. "Edward can do everything, right?" she continued at Esme's confused look. Jasper laughed while Esme frowned at me.

"I hope you haven't been showing off – it's rude," she scolded.

"Just a bit," I admitted, laughing. Esme's frown disappeared.

"He's been too modest, actually," Bella defended.

"Well, play for her." _I told you so, I told you this would work out. _

"You just said showing off was rude," reminded her.

"I'd like to hear you play," said Bella.

"It's settled then," Esme pushed me towards the piano. I grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her along with me, setting her on the bench beside me. I looked at her in exasperation and then turned towards the keys sighing. Esme beamed behind us.

I began to play Esme's favourite piece, Bella's jaw dropping where she sat beside me. My family was amused at her reaction; I looked up at her from the keys.

"Do you like it?" I winked.

"You wrote this?" she gasped. The others silently dispersed around the house; giving us what little privacy we could get in a house full of vampires.

"It's Esme's favourite." Bella closed her eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I'm feeling extremely insignificant."

I switched to her lullaby; anxious to show her how important she really was…anxious to soothe her silly doubt.

"You inspired this one." I saw the recognition in her eyes as she heard the melody I had sang to her last night. Bella did not respond but continued to look at my fingers as they flew across the keys. "They like you, you know. Esme especially."

She looked up, glancing around the empty room.

"Where did they go?"

"Very subtly giving us some privacy, I suppose…" I continued to play with Bella beside me, so near.

"_They _like me," she sighed. "But Rosalie and Emmett…"

I frowned.

"Don't worry about Rosalie," I looked into her eyes. "She'll come around." _Rose is just stubborn, and selfish, and vain, and…_I trailed off when Bella spoke.

"Emmett?"

"Well, he thinks _I'm _a lunatic, it's true, but he doesn't have a problem with you. He's trying to reason with Rosalie."

"What is it that upsets her?" she asked curiously.

"Rosalie struggles the most with…" I sighed. "With what we are. It's hard for her to have someone on the outside know the truth. And she's a little jealous." I admitted.

"_Rosalie_ is jealous of _me_?"

"You're human." _…And beautiful and I love you…that certainly has a lot to do with it. _"She wishes that she were, too."

"Oh," her forehead creased. "Even Jasper, though…"

"That's really my fault. I told you he was the most recent to try our way of life. I warned him to keep his distance." I frowned at the measures that were necessary for Bella's safety. She shifted slightly.

"Esme and Carlisle…?"

"Are happy to see me happy. Actually, Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet. All this time she's been worried about me, afraid that there was something missing from my essential makeup, that I was too young when Carlisle changed me…She's ecstatic. Every time I touch you, she just about chokes with satisfaction." I smiled at my mother's joy…and slight smugness.

"Alice seems very…enthusiastic."

"Alice has her own way of looking at things," I answered, with pursed lips. Bella looked at me.

"And you're not going to explain that, are you?" She whispered, seeing right through my attempt to avoid the subject. She was so observant. We stared at each other for a moment before Bella broke the silence; both of u realizing that this was unfinished. "So what was Carlisle telling you before?"

"You noticed that, did you?" _Very_ observant.

"Of course," she shrugged. I looked at her, debating whether I should tell her. It would be the most beneficial course of action since she would no doubt resent being kept in the dark; but should I not protect her form the dangers around her? Would she not be more comfortable remaining as oblivious as possible?

"He wanted to tell me some news – he didn't know if it was something I would share with you," I finally answered.

"Will you?"

"I have to, because I'm going to be a little…overbearingly protective over the next few days – or weeks – and I wouldn't want you to think I'm naturally a tyrant."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, exactly. Alice just sees some visitors coming soon. They know we're here, and they're curious."

"Visitors?"

"Yes…well, they aren't like us, of course – in their hunting habits, I mean. They probably won't come into town at all, but I'm certainly not going to let you out of my sight till they're gone." Bella shivered beside me. "Finally, a rational response!" I said somewhat triumphantly. "I was beginning to think you had no sense of self-preservation at all." She looked away, her gaze sweeping around the room. "Not what you expected, is it?" I said, seeing the wonder on her face.

"No," she answered.

"No coffins, no piled up skulls in the corners; I don't even think we have cobwebs…what a disappointment this must be for you," I teased.

"It's so light…so open," she said, ignoring my teasing.

"It's the one place we never have to hide."

Bella's lullaby was coming to an end, the notes now more dark and filled with longing and dread. I looked at Bella and saw her eyes glistening with tears.

"Thank you," she whispered as she tried to wipe her eyes.

The love in her words stunned me; the tears rolling down her cheeks were beautiful. I hadn't seen tears up close since I had been changed. They glistened as the light hit them before Bella's hand wiped them away. There was one in the corner of her eye that she missed. Gently I wiped it away and looked at it intently; quickly I brought it to my lips to taste the small drop, I relished the taste. Bella was watching me closely, after a moment I smiled and asked her if she wanted to continue the tour of the house.

"No coffins?" she asked cheekily, I laughed.

"No coffins," I promise.

I led her form the room, up the stairs. We walked slowly so she could take in her surroundings. I however, looked at her as her fingers trailed along the rail, at her face as she looked where I gestured. She was shocked when she saw Carlisle's cross hanging on the wall. It really was ironic, considering all of the myths involving vampires cowering in the presence of crucifixes.

"Are you all right?" I asked when she remained silent after I hinted at Carlisle's age.

"How old is Carlisle?"

"He just celebrated his three hundred and sixty-second birthday," Bella looked up at me. "Carlisle was born in London, in the sixteen-forties, he he believes. Time wasn't marked as accurately then, for the common people anyway. It was just before Cromwell's rule, though." I watched her face nervously. It was a lot to accept. I continued to tell her Carlisle's past, about his father…and about Carlisle's change. "How are you feeling?" I finally asked, impatient to know what she was thinking.

"I'm fine," she said, biting her lip.

"I expect you have a few more questions for me."

"A few."

"Come on, then," I said, taking her hand. "I'll show you."


	6. Chapter 6: Carlisle

16. Carlisle

I pulled Bella back down the hall to Carlisle's study, pausing for a moment before Carlisle's voice called out. Pulling Bella through the door I watched her as she took in the room, her eyes strayed to Carlisle who was setting down a book.

"What can I do for you?" he asked curiously standing up behind the mahogany desk.

"I wanted to show Bella some of our history," I answered eagerly. "Well, your history, actually."

"We didn't mean to disturb you," apologized Bella timidly.

"Not at all. Where were you going to start?"

"The Waggoner," I said. I touched Bella's shoulder lightly, turning her to look at the wall behind us. This wall was covered in picture frames of all shapes and sizes. It was a maze of our past, the frames held pictures of all the places we'd resided in.

Excitement filled me as Bella's eyes scanned over the frames eagerly. Her excitement had intoxicated me, to be able to share with her. It was exquisite. I moved her so that she stood at essentially the first frame, Carlisle moved to stand behind us. It was an oil painting of London, the London that Carlisle had grown up in.

"London in the sixteen-fifties," I explained.

"The London of my youth," added Carlisle softly. Bella flinched slightly…she hadn't heard Carlisle approach the wall behind us. I squeezed her hand to ease her fright.

"Would _you_ tell the story?" I asked him, he told it well. After all, it was his story to tell. Bella turned to see my father's reaction; he smiled at her and then looked back at me.

"I would, but I'm actually running a bit late. The hospital called this morning – Dr. Snow is taking a sick day. Besides, you know the stories as well as I do," he grinned. _Tell her, she is stronger than she looks, _he thought to me beforehe smiled warmly at Bella again and left the room.

I looked at Bella, she was staring at the picture intently, a thoughtful look I decided.

"What happened then?" She looked up at me. "When he realized what had happened to him?"

I looked at the picture of the mountain, the one that Carlisle had exiled himself to…when he realized he was a monster.

"When he knew what he had become, he rebelled against it. He tried to destroy himself. But it's not easily done," I answered her softly. My thoughts meandered to the many times I'd tried this as well at the beginning.

"How?" Bella asked, her face shocked.

"He jumped from great heights, he tried to drown himself in the ocean…but he was young to the new life, and very strong. It is amazing that he was able to resist…feeding…while he was so new. The instinct is more powerful then, it takes over everything. But he was so repelled by himself that he had the strength to try to kill himself with starvation," awe coloured my words.

"Is that possible?"

"No, there are very few ways we can be killed," I stared at the picture. "So he grew very hungry, and eventually weak. He strayed as far as he could from the human populace, recognizing that his willpower was weakening, too. For months he wandered by night, seeking the loneliest places, loathing himself.

One night, a herd of deer passed his hiding place. He was so wild with thirst that he attacked without a thought. His strength returned and he realized there was an alternative to being the vile monster he feared. Had he not eaten venison in his former life? Over the next months his new philosophy was born. He could exist without being a demon. He found himself again."

My eyes followed the path of paintings and pictures as I spoke.

"He began to make better use of his time. He'd always been intelligent, eager to learn. Now he had unlimited time before him. He studied by night, planned by day. He swam to France and – "

"He _swam_ to France?" Bella interrupted me.

"People swim the Channel all the time, Bella," I said patiently.

"That's true, I guess. It just sounded funny in that context. Go on."

"Swimming is easy for us – " I continued.

"Everything is easy for _you_," she griped. I waited. "I won't interrupt again, I promise," she finally said when I remained silent.

"Because, technically, we don't need to breathe," I finished.

"You – "

"No, no, you promised," I laughed, touching her lips to still them. _Agh..._they were so soft. "Do you want to hear the story or not?" I wondered if she noticed how my voice caught slightly on the last word. I stared at her lips.

"You can't spring something like that on me, and then expect me not to say anything," she said against my finger. My eyes widened slightly at the friction of her lips on my finger. I traced my finger to the side of her neck, my eyes following intently. Her heartbeat sped.

"You don't have to _breathe_?" she said finally.

"No, it's not necessary. Just a habit," I shrugged.

"How long can you go…without _breathing?_"

"Indefinitely, I suppose; I don't know. It gets a bit uncomfortable – being without a sense of smell," I smirked wryly at the thought of all the times in biology.

"A bit uncomfortable," she echoed. My face fell at the thought at the memory of the first class…I had been a monster that day. Bella had even seen it then, she had seen the monster that lurked inside…waiting on the edges until I slipped. I lowered my hand from her neck.

"What is it?" she whispered, touching my cheek. I sighed at the warmth.

"I keep waiting for it to happen," I whispered.

"For what to happen?"

"I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too much. And then you'll run away from me, screaming as you go." I smiled slightly, for I would be relieved really. "I won't stop you. I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I want to be with you. The two desires are impossible to reconcile…" I trailed off, not sure what to say next…how to explain the complexity of my confusion.

Bella looked into my eyes, "I'm not running anywhere."

"We'll see."

Bella frowned, "So, go on – Carlisle was swimming to France.

"Carlisle swam to France, and continued on through Europe, to the universities there," my eyes went to the largest painting. "By night he studied music, science, medicine – and found his calling, his penance, in that, in saving human lives," pride enveloped me. " I can't adequately describe the struggle; it took Carlisle two centuries of torturous effort to perfect his self-control. Now he is all but immune to the scent of human blood, and he is able to do the work he loves without agony. He finds a great deal of peace there, at the hospital…" My eyes took in the colours of the painting.

Carlisle really was extraordinary. His control around human blood was perfect. I was good at ignoring the thirst, but around Bella I was just staring to learn to control my hunger. But Carlisle was unfazed by her glorious smell, true her blood was appetizing to all my family including Carlisle but it did not call to him as it did to me. He hardly even noticed it.

I tapped it gently. "He was studying in Italy when he discovered the others there. They were much more civilized and educated than the wraiths of the London sewers."

I traced Carlisle's face in the painting. He was standing next to the others that I spoke of, in the shadows on the highest balcony. Bella laughed when she recognized my father's face.

"Solimena was greatly inspired by Carlisle's friends," I continued, explaining Carlisle's appearance in the painting. "He often painted them as gods," I chuckled. "Aro, Marcus, Caius," I said, indicating the two dark haired and one snowy-white vampire. "Nighttime patrons of the arts."

"What happened to them?" Bella's fingers brushed against the canvas.

"There still there, as they have been for who knows how many millennia. Carlisle stayed with them only for a short time, just a few decades. He greatly admired their civility, their refinement, but they persisted in trying to cure his aversion to 'his natural food source,' as they called it. They tried to persuade him, and he tried to persuade them, to no avail. At that point, Carlisle decided to try the New World. He dreamed of finding others like himself. He was very lonely you see.

He didn't find anyone for a long time. But, as monsters became the stuff of fairy tales, he found he could interact with the unsuspecting humans as if he were one of them. He began practicing medicine. But the companionship evaded him; he couldn't risk familiarity.

When the influenza epidemic hit, he was working nights in a hospital in Chicago. He'd been turning over the idea in his mind for several years, and he had almost decided to act – since he couldn't find a companion, he would create one. He wasn't absolutely sure how his own transformation had occurred, so he was hesitant. And he was loath to steal anyone's life the way his had been stolen. It was in that frame of mind that he found me. There was no hope for me; I was left a ward with the dying. He had nursed my parents, and knew I was alone. He decided to try…" My voice trailed to silence as I stared out the windows.

I turned to face my Bella, a smile on my lips. "And so we've come full circle."

"Have you always stayed with Carlisle, then?"

"Almost always," I touched my hand to her waist, guiding her out of Carlisle's study back into the hall.

"Almost?" Bella prompted. I didn't want to tell Bella this...part of me wanted to, as a warning. But the other half did not want her to think of me as a monster. That part of me wanted to shield her from my darkness. I sighed.

Well, I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence – about ten years after I was…born…created, whatever you want to call it. I wasn't sold on his life of abstinence, and I resented him for curbing my appetite. So I went off on my own for a time," I admitted.

I was somewhat embarrassed to share this piece of my past with Bella, a shortcoming…or stupidity. But Bella shocked me again; rather than cringe or rebuke me she was intrigued. I could tell by her expression.

"Really?" she asked me. I guided her up the next flight of stairs.

"That doesn't repulse you?"

"No."

"Why not?" I was genuinely curious.

"I guess…" Bella pause, searching for the right words I presumed, "it sounds reasonable." I laughed at that.

"From the time of my new birth, I had the advantage of knowing what everyone around me was thinking, both human and non-human alike. That's why it took me ten years to defy Carlisle – I could read his perfect sincerity, understand exactly why he lived the way he did.

It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his vision. I thought I would be exempt from the…depression…that accompanies a conscience. Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil. If I followed a murderer down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl – if I saved her, then surely I wasn't so terrible." I felt Bella shiver but I continued on. "But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn't escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified. And I went back to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back like the prodigal. It was more than I deserved."

We came to my door at the end of the hall.

"My room," I whispered. I opened the door; grasping her hand I pulled her through the door. I let go of her as she stepped into the centre of the room, her eyes scanning over every surface. I stood back as she took it in. We didn't say a word as she looked out the windows at the Sol Duc River, at the Olympic Mountains, at my music collection. I was giddy, my contained glee was beginning to bubble out from my and it was only a moment more before I would burst.

"Good acoustics?" she guessed, indicating the fabric covering the walls. I nodded, laughing that she'd noticed. I turned the mute off on my stereo, letting the soft jazz fill the room. Bella moved over to my music. "How do you have these organized?" she asked as her eyes flickered over the titles. It was incredibly joyful to have her standing there; I stuggled to focus my thoughts on her question.

"Ummm, by year, and then by personal preference within that frame," a answered finally, I continued to stare at her. She turned to look at me.  
"What?" she asked curiously.

_Ah_,she must have notice the staring.

"I was prepared to feel…relieved. Having you know about everything, not needing to keep secrets from you. But I didn't expect to feel more than that. I _like_ it. It makes me…happy," I smiled.

"I'm glad," Bella smiled back at me…she was radiant. I frowned. "You're still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren't you?"

I nodded sheepishly.

"I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually." I raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"You _really_ shouldn't have said that," I ginned at her. Growling for affect I sank into a crouch. Bella backed up a step.

"You wouldn't"

I jumped at her, scooping her up in my arms and landed on the couch, my body curved around her fragile form. I smiled wickedly and inhaled deeply at her closeness, sucking in her scent.

I heard Alice and Jasper stop talking when the couch bumped loudly against the wall.

"You were saying?" I teased Bella.

"That you are a very, very terrifying monster," she answered breathlessly.

"Much better," I complimented.

"Ugh, can I get up now?"

I laughed, and then frowned slightly when I heard Alice and Jasper outside the door.

"Can we come in?" Alice called from the hall. Bella jumped slightly in my arms at Alice's voice and struggled to free herself, but didn't want to lose her closeness. I turned so that I was sitting on the couch and pulled Bella with me so that she was on my lap.

"Go ahead," I laughed at Bella's blush. Alice danced into the room, smiling at Bella and I; Jasper stood in the doorway looking at me uneasily. Bella's blush still hung in the air.

_I really don't know how you do it, Edward_, he thought. I frowned at him, Alice noticed it and tried to distract me.

"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share," she grinned wickedly. I laughed as Bella stiffened for a second before relaxing against my chest.

"Sorry, I don't believe I have enough to spare," I tightened my hold on her waist, drawing her body flesh against mine.

"Actually," Jasper smiled as the room's atmosphere finally dragged him in. "Alice says there's going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett wants to play ball. Are you game?" He stopped next to Alice.

It was tempting…we hadn't played in months, but I was reluctant to leave Bella.

"Of course you should bring Bella," said Alice.

"Do you want to go?" I asked her.

"Sure, um, where are we going?" she said after a moment.

"We have to wait for thunder to play ball – you'll see why," I grinned.

"Will I need an umbrella?"

I laughed, Jasper and Alice joining in.

"Will she?" asked Jasper.

"No," answered Alice. "The storm will hit over town. It should be dry enough in the clearing."

"Good, then," said Jasper eagerly. I felt my own excitement multiplied by Jasper's.

"Let's go see if Carlisle will come," said Alice, running to the door.

"Like you don't know," Jasper teased, going after her, he closed the door behind him.

"What will we be playing?" asked Bella.

"_You_ will watching," I clarified. "We will be playing baseball."

"Vampires play baseball?" she said rolling her eyes.

"It's the American pastime," I answered seriously before grinning down at her. I stood both of us up before scooping her up in my arms again.

"Edward!" gasped Bella. I laughed and ran down the stairs to the ground level. "Esme, we'll meet you at the clearing," I called over my shoulder as I opened the front door.

_Say hello to Chief Swan for me!_ she answered from upstairs. I closed the door behind us.

"Don't you think now is a good time to introduce me to Charlie?" I asked innocently as I set Bella on her feet and opened her door for her.

"I don't think that's necessary," she scoffed.

"How are you going to explain playing baseball with my family?"

"I thought I was watching," she smirked.

"Bella, you are too stubborn for your own good," I sighed, walking to the other side of her truck.

_Make sure you don't mention that you've been spying on his daughter! _Came Emmet's mental voice from somewhere in the trees; he and Rosalie were standing near the house waiting for us to leave. _That is sure to impress him! _ I scowled as I opened my door and threw a rude hand gesture in his and Rosalie's direction before getting into the cab.

I drove to Bella's house quickly, once again with Bella's hand in mine. We were almost to her street when I smelled the rain.


End file.
